____twoism

saob wrote:Well spoken mystery guest.

I full-heartedly agree.

that was real good.

jakestott wrote:Man, i came out of my anxiety disorder alive. For about 2 weeks now i've been feeling a lot better about myself. My mum actually thought i was depressed a bit too, as i went through periods of crying for no apparant reason. She also thought the cause of my anxiety in the first place may have been because of doing the same shit day in day out, no hope with finding a job etc. I think she could be right, although the main cause was from worrying about my health (fear of dying at a young age - if i got a chest pain, i'd be thinking ''shit... what's wrong with me?!'' - trapped wind ''ibs?''- constant headaches/dull pains/sore scalp - ''brain tumour?''). Fuck me it was a scary thing to go through, i felt like complete shit the night after seeing Aphex Twin in Manchester. My body felt like jelly, i had no apetite at all (i lost 4 pounds from not eating) my heart was pounding, i couldn't sleep very well (I would drift off to sleep, and 10 seconds later i'd wake up again. I basically felt very drowsy at night).

I guess now i've gone through all that, it will make me a stronger person. I hope i don't experience anything like that again. But if i do, i'll know it will pass in time.

Im Glad Everything Is Doing Well For You Now Jake. I think i have the same problems as you had, everytime i get a pain in my chest i freak out, any pain at all i just worry, when people chat about other people with things wrong with them such as Cancer, Heart attacks from the local community, i automatically think shit thats what is wrong with me. Im gonna get an appointment with the doctor tomorrow and see if i have depression/anxiety. Im 99% sure i do but that 1% always has me worrying.
My mum atm is suffering from depression because of the death of her dad/my grandad, and i still think about him alot, he was like a father to me and we watched him suffer for around 2 years, and i cant bare to see my mother in such a state that its got me into a state.
Sleeping Routine Was messed up too, everytime i would go to sleep i would jump outa bed and be completly breathless, You could hear your heart pumping in your head and you feel like your gonna passout and Im sick of it now.
I try to relax by making a tune, heading out with friends or just listen to music but i cant stop thinking about dying. Its scary days and im gonna battle this!
I feel weird talking about it to people I dont know (kinda a nOOb to twoism)
But it helps (abit)

ShammenDelly wrote:

jakestott wrote:Man, i came out of my anxiety disorder alive. For about 2 weeks now i've been feeling a lot better about myself. My mum actually thought i was depressed a bit too, as i went through periods of crying for no apparant reason. She also thought the cause of my anxiety in the first place may have been because of doing the same shit day in day out, no hope with finding a job etc. I think she could be right, although the main cause was from worrying about my health (fear of dying at a young age - if i got a chest pain, i'd be thinking ''shit... what's wrong with me?!'' - trapped wind ''ibs?''- constant headaches/dull pains/sore scalp - ''brain tumour?''). Fuck me it was a scary thing to go through, i felt like complete shit the night after seeing Aphex Twin in Manchester. My body felt like jelly, i had no apetite at all (i lost 4 pounds from not eating) my heart was pounding, i couldn't sleep very well (I would drift off to sleep, and 10 seconds later i'd wake up again. I basically felt very drowsy at night).

I guess now i've gone through all that, it will make me a stronger person. I hope i don't experience anything like that again. But if i do, i'll know it will pass in time.

Im Glad Everything Is Doing Well For You Now Jake. I think i have the same problems as you had, everytime i get a pain in my chest i freak out, any pain at all i just worry, when people chat about other people with things wrong with them such as Cancer, Heart attacks from the local community, i automatically think shit thats what is wrong with me. Im gonna get an appointment with the doctor tomorrow and see if i have depression/anxiety. Im 99% sure i do but that 1% always has me worrying.
My mum atm is suffering from depression because of the death of her dad/my grandad, and i still think about him alot, he was like a father to me and we watched him suffer for around 2 years, and i cant bare to see my mother in such a state that its got me into a state.
Sleeping Routine Was messed up too, everytime i would go to sleep i would jump outa bed and be completly breathless, You could hear your heart pumping in your head and you feel like your gonna passout and Im sick of it now.
I try to relax by making a tune, heading out with friends or just listen to music but i cant stop thinking about dying. Its scary days and im gonna battle this!
I feel weird talking about it to people I dont know (kinda a nOOb to twoism)
But it helps (abit)

Exactly how i was. I always thought ''I've got so many sensations going on - chest pains, headaches, bloated stomach, funny vision... surely something is wrong with me?! It cannot possibly be anxiety.'' But it was just anxiety in the end. I was especially concerned with my headaches, because i rarely get headaches, probably get 1 headache a year and it only lasts a night or so, but these were lasting all day and night.

I am one billion percent certain it's just anxiety you've got. The mind is very good at playing tricks on us. Hope the doctor can put your mind at rest, and offer you some advice on how to eliminate your symptoms. Take care .

I can't sleep.
And i realized something the other day.
Perhaps the core problem with people who are depressed is that they have a crystalclear vision of how things should've been. (both a gift and a burden?)
At least i guess that's the way with me.
And thus i simply have no ability to accept things the way they are. That includes everything. My failings, humanity's cruelty, an ugly painting, being rejected, society, things that happened in the past, a 'no', spelling mistakes on a menu, the 'music' on the radio, losing someone.
I remember someone saying while back (i believe it was in this topic even) that depression has a lot to do with being more realistic. Seeing things as they are. Perhaps i'm not depressed. And you aren't either. Perhaps we are just being realistic.
Well i don't know how it is with you guys but for me, sometimes i wish i had the ability to stick my head in the sand even though it'll deprive me of air (=truth). Carrying a world that is so wrong on your back.. it's just a heavy load. I've tried to stick my head in the sand but i can't.
Fuck it. Every night i fall asleep and i hope to wake up in another reality. I am dreaming my life away. (thank God for imagination) So far it has been my only way to deal with this.
Are there people here that recognize this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how i should learn to accept things the way they are?
I am 25 so you can imagine i'm a little tired now due to never being able to before.

TheSilenceEchoes wrote:I can't sleep.
And i realized something the other day.
Perhaps the core problem with people who are depressed is that they have a crystalclear vision of how things should've been. (both a gift and a burden?)
At least i guess that's the way with me.
And thus i simply have no ability to accept things the way they are. That includes everything. My failings, humanity's cruelty, an ugly painting, being rejected, society, things that happened in the past, a 'no', spelling mistakes on a menu, the 'music' on the radio, losing someone.
I remember someone saying while back (i believe it was in this topic even) that depression has a lot to do with being more realistic. Seeing things as they are. Perhaps i'm not depressed. And you aren't either. Perhaps we are just being realistic.
Well i don't know how it is with you guys but for me, sometimes i wish i had the ability to stick my head in the sand even though it'll deprive me of air (=truth). Carrying a world that is so wrong on your back.. it's just a heavy load. I've tried to stick my head in the sand but i can't.
Fuck it. Every night i fall asleep and i hope to wake up in another reality. I am dreaming my life away. (thank God for imagination) So far it has been my only way to deal with this.
Are there people here that recognize this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how i should learn to accept things the way they are?
I am 25 so you can imagine i'm a little tired now due to never being able to before.

I recognize it a little and probably with different things (so I don't know if it's the same), but I have little trust in almost everyone and try to have no expectations of anything. I know it's kind of a negative appraoch, but it works for me. Almost everything will be neutral or positive that way The only thing is, I'm a bit of a Yoda of hope ("the hope is strong in this one" ), so every now and then disappointment is my share....

TheSilenceEchoes wrote:I can't sleep.
And i realized something the other day.
Perhaps the core problem with people who are depressed is that they have a crystalclear vision of how things should've been. (both a gift and a burden?)
At least i guess that's the way with me.
And thus i simply have no ability to accept things the way they are. That includes everything. My failings, humanity's cruelty, an ugly painting, being rejected, society, things that happened in the past, a 'no', spelling mistakes on a menu, the 'music' on the radio, losing someone.
I remember someone saying while back (i believe it was in this topic even) that depression has a lot to do with being more realistic. Seeing things as they are. Perhaps i'm not depressed. And you aren't either. Perhaps we are just being realistic.
Well i don't know how it is with you guys but for me, sometimes i wish i had the ability to stick my head in the sand even though it'll deprive me of air (=truth). Carrying a world that is so wrong on your back.. it's just a heavy load. I've tried to stick my head in the sand but i can't.
Fuck it. Every night i fall asleep and i hope to wake up in another reality. I am dreaming my life away. (thank God for imagination) So far it has been my only way to deal with this.
Are there people here that recognize this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how i should learn to accept things the way they are?
I am 25 so you can imagine i'm a little tired now due to never being able to before.

Well, there are some very effective (and short) therapiesessions you can undertake. It's even possible to do it online, since you live in the Netherlands. But I think a few tips from a messageboard (absolutely no offense) won't take you where you want to be. Good luck!

Mindshifter wrote:

TheSilenceEchoes wrote:I can't sleep.
And i realized something the other day.
Perhaps the core problem with people who are depressed is that they have a crystalclear vision of how things should've been. (both a gift and a burden?)
At least i guess that's the way with me.
And thus i simply have no ability to accept things the way they are. That includes everything. My failings, humanity's cruelty, an ugly painting, being rejected, society, things that happened in the past, a 'no', spelling mistakes on a menu, the 'music' on the radio, losing someone.
I remember someone saying while back (i believe it was in this topic even) that depression has a lot to do with being more realistic. Seeing things as they are. Perhaps i'm not depressed. And you aren't either. Perhaps we are just being realistic.
Well i don't know how it is with you guys but for me, sometimes i wish i had the ability to stick my head in the sand even though it'll deprive me of air (=truth). Carrying a world that is so wrong on your back.. it's just a heavy load. I've tried to stick my head in the sand but i can't.
Fuck it. Every night i fall asleep and i hope to wake up in another reality. I am dreaming my life away. (thank God for imagination) So far it has been my only way to deal with this.
Are there people here that recognize this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how i should learn to accept things the way they are?
I am 25 so you can imagine i'm a little tired now due to never being able to before.

Well, there are some very effective (and short) therapiesessions you can undertake. It's even possible to do it online, since you live in the Netherlands. But I think a few tips from a messageboard (absolutely no offense) won't take you where you want to be. Good luck!

Yeah, i know, but i think therapy is overrated sometimes. Since solving problems lies in your hands only... Most of the time, good conversations with good friends helped me much more than a whole bunch of therapy sessions together.
The thing is, i feel as if a lot of people on this forum belong to a group of people that are just several layers deeper than a normal average bloke. I rarily meet people like that in my life. That's why i would much sooner take advice from one of you guys than from a therapist that i don't even know about if he's ever thought about all the things i've thought about. You know?

rik0000 wrote:

TheSilenceEchoes wrote:I can't sleep.
And i realized something the other day.
Perhaps the core problem with people who are depressed is that they have a crystalclear vision of how things should've been. (both a gift and a burden?)
At least i guess that's the way with me.
And thus i simply have no ability to accept things the way they are. That includes everything. My failings, humanity's cruelty, an ugly painting, being rejected, society, things that happened in the past, a 'no', spelling mistakes on a menu, the 'music' on the radio, losing someone.
I remember someone saying while back (i believe it was in this topic even) that depression has a lot to do with being more realistic. Seeing things as they are. Perhaps i'm not depressed. And you aren't either. Perhaps we are just being realistic.
Well i don't know how it is with you guys but for me, sometimes i wish i had the ability to stick my head in the sand even though it'll deprive me of air (=truth). Carrying a world that is so wrong on your back.. it's just a heavy load. I've tried to stick my head in the sand but i can't.
Fuck it. Every night i fall asleep and i hope to wake up in another reality. I am dreaming my life away. (thank God for imagination) So far it has been my only way to deal with this.
Are there people here that recognize this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how i should learn to accept things the way they are?
I am 25 so you can imagine i'm a little tired now due to never being able to before.

I recognize it a little and probably with different things (so I don't know if it's the same), but I have little trust in almost everyone and try to have no expectations of anything. I know it's kind of a negative appraoch, but it works for me. Almost everything will be neutral or positive that way The only thing is, I'm a bit of a Yoda of hope ("the hope is strong in this one" ), so every now and then disappointment is my share....

I know what you mean. I've tried that too. Letting go of expectations, and of hope too. But somehow, that took away all my energy to fight for things. I need to fight for a cause, otherwise i'll lose all sense of direction. I don't know. I can't live without expecting very good things to happen to me and to the world. That in the end good will conquer evil forever. I can't live without my rebellious refusal to 'get used' to all evil in this world. If i do that, i feel as if i'll lose myself, that i'll betray my origin as it were. does that make sense?

So. last year I got kicked out of university due to a debt of around £3,000, something I can't come close to paying off as I've had to move back into my parents and can't find work- to be completely honest I've stopped looking pretty much altogether as this is middle-of-nowhere and there is fuck all to be had. There's not really anything to be gained by looking but still it makes me feel bad not doing anything to better my situation.

In the past month, one childhood friend with whom ive not been in touch for a couple of years died from a drug overdose (he was 21), and another closer friend has gone to jail. Yesterday my girlfriend (we got together when i was at university and have since had to go long distance, i miss her) got her entire student overdraft recalled by the bank at once. I had been hoping to get a flat with her soon and that now looks like it might not be an option any more. Relationships with my parents are pretty strained, nobody's fault really just a result of an undesirable situation. Of the younger folk who are left in my small hometown, they are nice enough guys but I have nothing in common with them at all. Into boxing and trance music and coke, not my thing at all. Most days I spend on my own.

I'm starting to get really, really fucked off with this. I try to stay upbeat but my current lifestyle is a total grind and is making me develop all kinds of bad habits, destroyed my social life and straining my closest relationships.

sorry for the complaining tone of this post. I'm just done with this.

Infinite E wrote:So. last year I got kicked out of university due to a debt of around £3,000, something I can't come close to paying off as I've had to move back into my parents and can't find work- to be completely honest I've stopped looking pretty much altogether as this is middle-of-nowhere and there is fuck all to be had. There's not really anything to be gained by looking but still it makes me feel bad not doing anything to better my situation.

In the past month, one childhood friend with whom ive not been in touch for a couple of years died from a drug overdose (he was 21), and another closer friend has gone to jail. Yesterday my girlfriend (we got together when i was at university and have since had to go long distance, i miss her) got her entire student overdraft recalled by the bank at once. I had been hoping to get a flat with her soon and that now looks like it might not be an option any more. Relationships with my parents are pretty strained, nobody's fault really just a result of an undesirable situation. Of the younger folk who are left in my small hometown, they are nice enough guys but I have nothing in common with them at all. Into boxing and trance music and coke, not my thing at all. Most days I spend on my own.

I'm starting to get really, really fucked off with this. I try to stay upbeat but my current lifestyle is a total grind and is making me develop all kinds of bad habits, destroyed my social life and straining my closest relationships.

sorry for the complaining tone of this post. I'm just done with this.

Hang in there man. One great thing to observe about life is that it doesn't stop. It's always a new day. That's a great thing that means new opportunities are coming down the lane of life every time the sun rises. Just keep your head up, knowing full well that yesterday is gone, today will pass, and tomorrow is always on the horizon waiting for something new.

Does anyone here have a deep fear of death? I've had this fear ever since i was a kid. Never been able to overcome it really. It got bad when i was 13/14 as I just started thinking a lot about death, and everytime i'd sleep, i wondered whether i'd wake up or not, and needed constant reassurance from my parents to know that i was going to be alright. Anytime i'd get ill, i'd worry that i would die. I guess i'm quite the hypercondriac really, it messed me up emotionally though, i'd cry almost every night and i'm pretty sure i drove my parents crazy. The fear comes and goes as well, every dream i have somehow has an element of death featured in it, it's not always a strong element, but it's always there.

When i turned 15, i had my first, what can only be described as a 'mini' panic attack, it only lasted a few seconds, but i started thinking about death again, and then suddenly panicked. It scared me shitless, and still experience them from time to time.

Also, another thing that worried me was the realization that i might not live to be an old person. When you are young, you are always told you'll live to be 80 or something. But as i got older, i started to realize that it might not happen. I guess looking at the latest deaths of Wikipedia and finding someone dying in their 20s doesn't help!

jakestott wrote:Does anyone here have a deep fear of death?

Me. It's not the afterlife I fear, nor the possibility of no afterlife. It's the experience of death itself.

I'm terrified of a violent death. It happens to people all the time, through circumstances ENTIRELY outside of their control. One minute your life is normal, the next moment it is a HORROR MOVIE. I can't fathom how awful it must be to die in an elevator accident or by getting stuff blown through your body or being crushed to death, ugh ugh UGH.

I don't care how ignoble or "boring" it is, I want to die in my bed, peacefully.

turquoise70 wrote:

jakestott wrote:Does anyone here have a deep fear of death?

Me. It's not the afterlife I fear, nor the possibility of no afterlife. It's the experience of death itself.

I'm terrified of a violent death. It happens to people all the time, through circumstances ENTIRELY outside of their control. One minute your life is normal, the next moment it is a HORROR MOVIE. I can't fathom how awful it must be to die in an elevator accident or by getting stuff blown through your body or being crushed to death, ugh ugh UGH.

I don't care how ignoble or "boring" it is, I want to die in my bed, peacefully.

Same here. I fear severe pain mostly. I hope my death is quick and painless...like...a morphine overdose

turquoise70 wrote:

jakestott wrote:Does anyone here have a deep fear of death?

Me. It's not the afterlife I fear, nor the possibility of no afterlife. It's the experience of death itself.

I'm terrified of a violent death. It happens to people all the time, through circumstances ENTIRELY outside of their control. One minute your life is normal, the next moment it is a HORROR MOVIE. I can't fathom how awful it must be to die in an elevator accident or by getting stuff blown through your body or being crushed to death, ugh ugh UGH.

I don't care how ignoble or "boring" it is, I want to die in my bed, peacefully.

agreed, i would like to die in a pillow fight if possible

wrench foot... I thank you for that. I'm having an awful day, and your words have helped me.

yip-yaff

Altruizine wrote:man, i'm in deep shit... how do i always manage to cock things up like this for no reason

why am i so fucking stupid

brb smashing my head against a wall

what's the matter?

Altruizine wrote:man, i'm in deep shit... how do i always manage to cock things up like this for no reason

why am i so fucking stupid

brb smashing my head against a wall

Been there like 10 times in the past 2 months man. Hold tight.

Ah summertime...its always around now that the annual depression starts and doesn't end until august