____twoism

Orbited insanitarium wrote:The thing is with these dusty decades old threads rodox, is you're just going to end up talking to yourself...

...

It happens.

I experienced two breakups in a few months. First one fucked up me quite a bit. The type of fuck up you wanna see a grown man crying?

Anyway, I feel, that I completely lost faith in women or more family as an institution overall.

To get trusty relationship, when you share financial and moral values, is like distant memory. Especially if you are in the mid 30’s. That at any moment the others part can walk away.

arvy wrote:I experienced two breakups in a few months. First one fucked up me quite a bit. The type of fuck up you wanna see a grown man crying?

Sorry to hear that . I may have only had 1 breakup (technically 3, but all with 1 person), but I can attest that it does fuck you up and puts all your emotional energy to the test. I fell into controlled alcoholism for a while and there were times where things got really dark for sure.

arvy wrote:Anyway, I feel, that I completely lost faith in women or more family as an institution overall.

To get trusty relationship, when you share financial and moral values, is like distant memory. Especially if you are in the mid 30’s. That at any moment the others part can walk away.

I'd be careful about losing faith in women all together (the familial institution is another story though), as that can lead one down some dangerous rabbit holes. I've managed to climb out of them, but can still see when they're trying to suck me back in. I'm from a different cultural background, so take my advice how you will, but I'll quote something I said earlier in the thread:

rodox_head wrote:I think, for the most part, what you're talking about is sex not love. Love certainly exists in both platonic and romantic forms; the term "partner" is used for a reason. Also, some people just aren't wired right for that type of game, so don't treat it like one you're obligated to play. It's not gonna do you any favors, trust me. Just make sense of how others make you feel and don't seek it out. If you keep blindly digging for buried treasure, you're most likely just gonna end up with an ugly lookin' yard.

I know, man, even my friend parrot, which lived with me almost for 10 years, flew away, just found half eaten body and furs outside the window. Probably cats street cats, It just pains me, I probably had very negative energy at that time.

Anyway, never trust a women your secrets. And the true love is only between brothers.

arvy wrote:I know, man, even my friend parrot, which lived with me almost for 10 years, flew away, just found half eaten body and furs outside the window. Probably cats street cats, It just pains me, I probably had very negative energy at that time.

Anyway, never trust a women your secrets. And the true love is only between brothers.

eh, i don't like how gender dependent society is. women can absolutely be trusted, it isn't a gender thing but rather just a relationship thing in general. i think too many guys think they can never be platonic friends with women and are always seeking out relationships.

arvy wrote:I know, man, even my friend parrot, which lived with me almost for 10 years, flew away, just found half eaten body and furs outside the window. Probably cats street cats, It just pains me, I probably had very negative energy at that time.

Anyway, never trust a women your secrets. And the true love is only between brothers.

damn man the parrot thing made me react a bit. my grandmother had a similar story with another bird, but a long living bird like a parrot must be so much worse. hope you're dealing with it well

breachtones wrote:

arvy wrote:I know, man, even my friend parrot, which lived with me almost for 10 years, flew away, just found half eaten body and furs outside the window. Probably cats street cats, It just pains me, I probably had very negative energy at that time.

Anyway, never trust a women your secrets. And the true love is only between brothers.

eh, i don't like how gender dependent society is. women can absolutely be trusted, it isn't a gender thing but rather just a relationship thing in general. i think too many guys think they can never be platonic friends with women and are always seeking out relationships.

You will talk differently when you fall in love. It can happen, maybe one or two times, in your lifetime.

kakanara wrote:

arvy wrote:I know, man, even my friend parrot, which lived with me almost for 10 years, flew away, just found half eaten body and furs outside the window. Probably cats street cats, It just pains me, I probably had very negative energy at that time.

Anyway, never trust a women your secrets. And the true love is only between brothers.

damn man the parrot thing made me react a bit. my grandmother had a similar story with another bird, but a long living bird like a parrot must be so much worse. hope you're dealing with it well

Thanks, Bro, she was with me for as long as I remember.

rodox_head wrote:I think, for the most part, what you're talking about is sex not love. Love certainly exists in both platonic and romantic forms; the term "partner" is used for a reason. Also, some people just aren't wired right for that type of game, so don't treat it like one you're obligated to play. It's not gonna do you any favors, trust me. Just make sense of how others make you feel and don't seek it out. If you keep blindly digging for buried treasure, you're most likely just gonna end up with an ugly lookin' yard.

You're right about blind pursuit, I'll give you that, but as much as I want to believe the contrary, it seems that ultimately it's embedded into societal norms that romantic relationships are inherently superior to platonic ones. There seems to be a deeper connection formed, and therefore more desired, that no platonic friendship can best no matter how much I can try, especially when it's hammered into the holiday season centered around togetherness. Do you really think that someone's gonna choose hanging out with a friend as opposed to their lover? As you mentioned, I'm one of those that just isn't wired for that kinda game, but I'd be remiss to not admit that I see everyone playing the game and having fun when I just don't get what the big deal is.

rodox_head wrote:

rodox_head wrote:I think, for the most part, what you're talking about is sex not love. Love certainly exists in both platonic and romantic forms; the term "partner" is used for a reason. Also, some people just aren't wired right for that type of game, so don't treat it like one you're obligated to play. It's not gonna do you any favors, trust me. Just make sense of how others make you feel and don't seek it out. If you keep blindly digging for buried treasure, you're most likely just gonna end up with an ugly lookin' yard.

You're right about blind pursuit, I'll give you that, but as much as I want to believe the contrary, it seems that ultimately it's embedded into societal norms that romantic relationships are inherently superior to platonic ones. There seems to be a deeper connection formed, and therefore more desired, that no platonic friendship can best no matter how much I can try, especially when it's hammered into the holiday season centered around togetherness. Do you really think that someone's gonna choose hanging out with a friend as opposed to their lover? As you mentioned, I'm one of those that just isn't wired for that kinda game, but I'd be remiss to not admit that I see everyone playing the game and having fun when I just don't get what the big deal is.

You and me both...
I often feel like I'm not made for that whole thing, like I'm missing some component you need to understand how it works.
The weird thing is I constantly go between not caring at all and feeling absolutely hopeless about it...
I just DON'T get it.

bungler666 wrote:You and me both...
I often feel like I'm not made for that whole thing, like I'm missing some component you need to understand how it works.
The weird thing is I constantly go between not caring at all and feeling absolutely hopeless about it...
I just DON'T get it.

I mean, it is perfectly natural to want someone to care about you in that way.

Question: Is it selfish to not like the societal burden to be the "pursuer" for lack of a better word? I hate the feeling that comes with it, like I feel like a predator for even thinking about it, but the alternative is the realization that there is nothing to see in me.

I don't want to be a "lover". I want to care about others and be cared for.