____twoism

turquoise70 wrote:i wish i never
woke up this morning
life was easy
when it was boring

Dude! I've been listening to that police album in my car for 2 months straight!

It's an awesome album. Darkness in particular feels a lot like depression, especially the chorus. There have been times when my mind is melted and I'm stuck in an infinitely-repeating moment and I just shout the words because they are true and simple. I can't count the number of times in the past few days I've thought how much I'd trade what i have to get back what i've lost.

You guys may think this is bullshit, but this is working really well for me at the moment.

Especially for the people who think their live will never be good again, read this. Only 180 pages, but it really made me think, and changed my way of living pretty much.

It's a book from Eckhart Tolle, called '' The power of now ''


http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-S ... 824&sr=8-1


It's about how man kind gone bad by overthinking everything, feeling way too much pain, and discomfort, this is a book which tells how to stop that, and only live in what happens '' now '' , so past and future dont care, the time we are in now, is full of good things, really, its really interesting and it helped me.

I'm not depressed, but since Late August, i have been experiencing high levels of anxiety.

It all started when i found large spot inside the skin of my scrotum (sounds disgusting i know) but it had me worrying for weeks as to what it could be, i kept thinking it was cancer. Eventually the spot got smaller, and went. I was happy, and thought i could live my life again without worry... until i woke up on September 10th and had the sensation of a lump in my throat, at first i passed it off as a sore throat, and thought it would just go away within a few days, so i ignored it. I became aware of it, and thought ''Hmm, somethings not right'' I tried coughing hard, to see if anything would come out, and nope, nothing! So i began to worry even more, basically the anxiety took over my life.

It didn't help going on Google and looking into it! Although i came across a symptom of anxiety called Globus sensation (The feeling of a lump in the throat, but isn't present when eating/drinking). Which is when the muscles in the throat can become tighter than usual. I figured this is what i probably have, but always had the voice in the back of my head saying ''Well, what if it isn't?''

I eventually went to see my doctor about it, he looked down my throat, felt my neck and told me everything was fine, and that it was all down to my anxious mind.

Now that i know what it is, it doesn't bother me at all now. Although i've been experiencing other physical sensations linked with anxiety (Stomach tightness, chest pain and dodgy vision) which freaks me out a little, although i don't notice the sensations when i am busy, just when i have a lot of free time on my hands!

I guess i just need to properly relax. I know these are all from my anxiety, because i am a healthy 19 year old (recently lost 3st in weight, which is around 42 pounds) I jog, well did jog on a daily basis every morning with my iPod listening to Clark's Totems Flare non-stop before i experienced high levels of anxiety!

jakestott wrote:I'm not depressed, but since Late August, i have been experiencing high levels of anxiety.

It all started when i found large spot inside the skin of my scrotum (sounds disgusting i know) but it had me worrying for weeks as to what it could be, i kept thinking it was cancer. Eventually the spot got smaller, and went. I was happy, and thought i could live my life again without worry... until i woke up on September 10th and had the sensation of a lump in my throat, at first i passed it off as a sore throat, and thought it would just go away within a few days, so i ignored it. I became aware of it, and thought ''Hmm, somethings not right'' I tried coughing hard, to see if anything would come out, and nope, nothing! So i began to worry even more, basically the anxiety took over my life.

It didn't help going on Google and looking into it! Although i came across a symptom of anxiety called Globus sensation (The feeling of a lump in the throat, but isn't present when eating/drinking). Which is when the muscles in the throat can become tighter than usual. I figured this is what i probably have, but always had the voice in the back of my head saying ''Well, what if it isn't?''

I eventually went to see my doctor about it, he looked down my throat, felt my neck and told me everything was fine, and that it was all down to my anxious mind.

Now that i know what it is, it doesn't bother me at all now. Although i've been experiencing other physical sensations linked with anxiety (Stomach tightness, chest pain and dodgy vision) which freaks me out a little, although i don't notice the sensations when i am busy, just when i have a lot of free time on my hands!

I guess i just need to properly relax. I know these are all from my anxiety, because i am a healthy 19 year old (recently lost 3st in weight, which is around 42 pounds) I jog, well did jog on a daily basis every morning with my iPod listening to Clark's Totems Flare non-stop before i experienced high levels of anxiety!

As a bipolar, obsessive compulsive disorder and fibro myalgia victim I suffer from both depression, anxiety and constant pains all over. So I know where you're coming from. These bouts of anxiety come and go. So just hang in there buddy. It will soon pass and you'll feel right as rain.

747Music wrote:

jakestott wrote:I'm not depressed, but since Late August, i have been experiencing high levels of anxiety.

It all started when i found large spot inside the skin of my scrotum (sounds disgusting i know) but it had me worrying for weeks as to what it could be, i kept thinking it was cancer. Eventually the spot got smaller, and went. I was happy, and thought i could live my life again without worry... until i woke up on September 10th and had the sensation of a lump in my throat, at first i passed it off as a sore throat, and thought it would just go away within a few days, so i ignored it. I became aware of it, and thought ''Hmm, somethings not right'' I tried coughing hard, to see if anything would come out, and nope, nothing! So i began to worry even more, basically the anxiety took over my life.

It didn't help going on Google and looking into it! Although i came across a symptom of anxiety called Globus sensation (The feeling of a lump in the throat, but isn't present when eating/drinking). Which is when the muscles in the throat can become tighter than usual. I figured this is what i probably have, but always had the voice in the back of my head saying ''Well, what if it isn't?''

I eventually went to see my doctor about it, he looked down my throat, felt my neck and told me everything was fine, and that it was all down to my anxious mind.

Now that i know what it is, it doesn't bother me at all now. Although i've been experiencing other physical sensations linked with anxiety (Stomach tightness, chest pain and dodgy vision) which freaks me out a little, although i don't notice the sensations when i am busy, just when i have a lot of free time on my hands!

I guess i just need to properly relax. I know these are all from my anxiety, because i am a healthy 19 year old (recently lost 3st in weight, which is around 42 pounds) I jog, well did jog on a daily basis every morning with my iPod listening to Clark's Totems Flare non-stop before i experienced high levels of anxiety!

As a bipolar, obsessive compulsive disorder and fibro myalgia victim I suffer from both depression, anxiety and constant pains all over. So I know where you're coming from. These bouts of anxiety come and go. So just hang in there buddy. It will soon pass and you'll feel right as rain.

Thanks man

Depression runs on my mother's side, and yes, it can be real harsh to your body and mind sometimes. I used to be medicated, but completely stopped over a year ago. So now I just exercise and eat better which helps me greatly. Also staying away from certain people did some good for myself. Sometimes it feels like being associated with certain types of people will only hold you down and make you feel much worse.

I agree with 747Music. Just hold on and things will pass.

my entire life thus far has been one big fucking apology

SORRY EVERYONE

SORRY

I WAS JUST PASSING THROUGH, MY BAD, MY BAD GUYS I'M SORRY

I'LL BE DEAD SOMEDAY, NO BIGGIE, SORRY GUYS, TOTES DIDN'T MEAN TO GET IN YOUR WAY

god, fuck you all. fuck you all. fuck you. seriously. eat my fucking dick. i get so sick. i get so goddamn sick. some days, i just want to go completely balls out and do/be what i really enjoy totally unapologetically, and just fuck up whoever's day it happens to ruin by my simply doing that, and just let it happen, and say hey, too bad, fuck you, maybe it's your turn to live an entire life of apology.

turquoise70 wrote:my entire life thus far has been one big fucking apology

SORRY EVERYONE

SORRY

I WAS JUST PASSING THROUGH, MY BAD, MY BAD GUYS I'M SORRY

I'LL BE DEAD SOMEDAY, NO BIGGIE, SORRY GUYS, TOTES DIDN'T MEAN TO GET IN YOUR WAY

god, fuck you all. fuck you all. fuck you. seriously. eat my fucking dick. i get so sick. i get so goddamn sick. some days, i just want to go completely balls out and do/be what i really enjoy totally unapologetically, and just fuck up whoever's day it happens to ruin by my simply doing that, and just let it happen, and say hey, too bad, fuck you, maybe it's your turn to live an entire life of apology.

I want to be your friend....

turquoise70 wrote:i just want to go completely balls out and do/be what i really enjoy totally unapologetically.

So what do you want to do/be?

Depression is a cruel thing that nobody should have to experience, but one thing that really bothers me are the drug companies and their advertisements for antidepressants. It seems like they want to convince as many people as possible that they are depressed who really aren't, just so they can ask their doctor for the meds. Like all of their problems are due to depression and taking a pill will make them go away. They are definitely NOT just happy pills.

yup.

I'm mightily fucked off right about nah.

have been for a while.

feels kind of normal now.

I used to really struggle with my depression, it ruled/ ruined pretty much my entire 20's and I got to the point where I was ready to throw in the towel... until I turned it on it's head and decided to see it as a positive thing. Depression is catharsis, it's your brain getting rid of all the shit that's stored in there to clear it all out and allow you to start to fill the space with something more meaningful and constructive. You eat something bad, you puke it up. It's essentially the same principle, just applied differently. You just have to learn how to stop eating the food that makes you sick in the first place, which is a different kettle of fish altogether.

turquoise70 wrote:my entire life thus far has been one big fucking apology

Too true. These past few weeks it's been nothing but helplessness and guilt with my family. I really wish I could just say "it's over" and leave without saying anything, but I can't. So, I continue saying "sorry" to my sister who "cares" about me because I don't appreciate her intervention in my life. I continue to say "sorry" to my dad when he complains about having to put up with my "attitude", which is what he describes my loner behavior and anxiety as. Then I continue to say "sorry" once more to him when I do things or think a certain way about things that does not please him, and so when I decide to give him space by evading him, I have to apologize once again for not spending enough time with him. SORRY DAD, I'M SORRY I GAVE YOU GRAY, BALDING HAIR AND HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND EXTRA WEIGHT. no really, i'll just stop existing now, hope it makes you feel better

I want to cram all my belongings in a truck and move somewhere without saying anything. But I can't. My feet are cemented into a block of concrete while I continue to dodge rotten fruit flying from all directions.

My mother is really the only one who admits when she's wrong, and she's the only one who directly goes up to me and says "I'm sorry Patrick" when she hurts me in any way. God Bless her soul.

Maybe someone's mentioned this earlier in the thread, but the best tool in the box I've found for combatting depression is a solid exercise routine. It's hands down the best way to manage and stabilize mood, in my experience.

Yoga's my preferred way, but everyone has their own...find what works for you and stick with it! (Especially during the winter, if you live in Northern latitudes.)

Twoism-ist wrote:

turquoise70 wrote:my entire life thus far has been one big fucking apology

Too true. These past few weeks it's been nothing but helplessness and guilt with my family. I really wish I could just say "it's over" and leave without saying anything, but I can't. So, I continue saying "sorry" to my sister who "cares" about me because I don't appreciate her intervention in my life. I continue to say "sorry" to my dad when he complains about having to put up with my "attitude", which is what he describes my loner behavior and anxiety as. Then I continue to say "sorry" once more to him when I do things or think a certain way about things that does not please him, and so when I decide to give him space by evading him, I have to apologize once again for not spending enough time with him. SORRY DAD, I'M SORRY I GAVE YOU GRAY, BALDING HAIR AND HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND EXTRA WEIGHT. no really, i'll just stop existing now, hope it makes you feel better

I want to cram all my belongings in a truck and move somewhere without saying anything. But I can't. My feet are cemented into a block of concrete while I continue to dodge rotten fruit flying from all directions.

My mother is really the only one who admits when she's wrong, and she's the only one who directly goes up to me and says "I'm sorry Patrick" when she hurts me in any way. God Bless her soul.

sounds really familiar man. i don't know which of us has had it worse, family wise, but i know what you're saying sounds like a lot of what i used to deal with from my family, mostly a few years ago. i hope things get better for you soon. otherwise, it's an endurance test and it'll warp your mind... in the meantime, there's friends and people who will listen, and when all else fails, at least there's this thread to gripe in. i'm definitely glad it's here.

Twoism-ist wrote:

turquoise70 wrote:my entire life thus far has been one big fucking apology

Too true. These past few weeks it's been nothing but helplessness and guilt with my family. I really wish I could just say "it's over" and leave without saying anything, but I can't. So, I continue saying "sorry" to my sister who "cares" about me because I don't appreciate her intervention in my life. I continue to say "sorry" to my dad when he complains about having to put up with my "attitude", which is what he describes my loner behavior and anxiety as. Then I continue to say "sorry" once more to him when I do things or think a certain way about things that does not please him, and so when I decide to give him space by evading him, I have to apologize once again for not spending enough time with him. SORRY DAD, I'M SORRY I GAVE YOU GRAY, BALDING HAIR AND HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND EXTRA WEIGHT. no really, i'll just stop existing now, hope it makes you feel better

I want to cram all my belongings in a truck and move somewhere without saying anything. But I can't. My feet are cemented into a block of concrete while I continue to dodge rotten fruit flying from all directions.

My mother is really the only one who admits when she's wrong, and she's the only one who directly goes up to me and says "I'm sorry Patrick" when she hurts me in any way. God Bless her soul.

Dude, just move out.

+1 on exercise as well. Not only does it help you keep your mind off "things". It also makes you feel physically better. You end up getting better sleep, eating more (hopefully better). Also, surf the internet less. =P

I don't think depression is your mind just burning off impurities. That's what normal growing up is. Life isn't a walk in the park for anyone really. Suicidal thoughts are the big indicator that medication and/or therapy needs to happen soon. It's a completely negative thing that holds you back in life and delays personal development. You have to realize that as severe as depression is, the mind is capable of creating happiness just as strong, so you need supportive people to help you get back on track. Easier said than done, because it's hard to get close to people when you're like that.

i've been drunk
dancing in my room
to smash mouth


i felt this thread was appropriate...
maybe i'm wrong?

Why do I wake up every morning?