____twoism

louise wrote:

Ashtray Wasp wrote:
we have just been talking about that SHE only lives for me (while crying loudly)
WE agreed that I am going to think about it becouse SHE think that making that decision in a day was not a good idea
SHE makes things pretty difficult by doing that
I feel like it would be my fault if something happened to her, and by how unstable SHE is, SHE could do anything

do you ever feel like you are being controlled/ manipulated?

Not really, I just feel really bad when she gets mad becouse I am a bad boyfriend

Youre not responsible for anyone elses happiness and if anyone makes you feel like you are thats a little unhealthy of them.

MrMessiah wrote:Youre not responsible for anyone elses happiness and if anyone makes you feel like you are thats a little unhealthy of them.

Thank you

I have quit the ward on my call. The doctor duly noted that I left against her recommendations. What a waste of time

You ok dude? Stupid question, but...

Stay strong Naj, you have our support

Oh yes, I'm absolutely fine, but the way my doctor scared me with court (in Poland, if you're considered a threat to yourself, you can be put in a mental institution against your will) made me feel like a criminal. They didn't help me very much. I had this period when I was feeling better, but when I took a turn for worse, they were clueless. Whatever

I'm lonely.

Somebody fuckin hold me

Aerial Boundaries wrote:I'm lonely.

Somebody fuckin hold me

I'd give you a hug if I could. *e-hug*

turquoise70 wrote:

Aerial Boundaries wrote:I'm lonely.

Somebody fuckin hold me

I'd give you a hug if I could. *e-hug*

Thanks

About hugging...I have a question. Does depression inhibit your social skills? From what I've seen in the hospital, (young) people with depression are very sociable and like to laugh a lot. What's up with that? Are you guys like that, too?

And good luck to you Aerial Boundaries

Najlepsiejszy wrote:About hugging...I have a question. Does depression inhibit your social skills? From what I've seen in the hospital, (young) people with depression are very sociable and like to laugh a lot. What's up with that? Are you guys like that, too?

And good luck to you Aerial Boundaries

I myself am a bit like that sometimes, but generally when I am not the one starting the converasation

E-hugs to Aerial as well!

Depression to Me is not about sadness, but about lack of vitality, I still can laugh, I still can see humor, albeit in a sarcastic way, but I am like that anyways on a good day... I think they finally nailed the meds... 90mg Cymbalta + 4mg abilify. That shit is expensive as all hell, thank god for insurances and medicare... I am eyeing returning to work for the first time in 6 months.

Thanks guys. You too naj.

i got laid off in the MOST expensive city in north america with no ability to move.
how long till i have to move to the street

I was walking and then I was about to pass some 2 girls, but one of them took a really long curve while looking at me weirdly. I feel like shit and I did my version of self-harm- I hit myself on the head a few times as hard as I could and now my bloody fucking head hurts

Najlepsiejszy wrote:I was walking and then I was about to pass some 2 girls, but one of them took a really long curve while looking at me weirdly. I feel like shit and I did my version of self-harm- I hit myself on the head a few times as hard as I could and now my bloody fucking head hurts

That's not your fault Naj, I'm sure that girl wasn't prepared to handle a beautiful face But in all seriousness I'm sure not everyone is like that, maybe that girl was just being mean, (we have some of those in my school, they are just plain annoying, don't even care for what they think, and neither should you) Sure it's good that people like you, but there are some people that will not always like what you are like and you can't make everyone happy.

I am also sure that there has been some girl that has looked at you nicely and you didn't even notice

Thanks for the kind words...

I keep holding on to things you know. States of mind I was content with a year ago. I was smarter, more attractive, more productive and I was able to see the world through this kind of outside lens where I felt I could understand everything. My taste in music has reversed to something that a few months ago I would mock myself for even liking again, my ability to understand music and actually feel something from it has gone, my ability to reflect the world around me through creating music has died and music was literally everything to me. I can't talk in detail any more. I can't think in detail any more. I feel like I am being dumbed down by an external source but the truth is it was an inevitable stage. I took a state of clarity for granted and lost it. This is nothing in comparison to some of the stories I have seen on here and I sincerely hope you are all on the path to somewhere better. I don't mean to be someone that spends their time complaining, I am truly greatful for what I have I just needed to outlet this information. I feel like my mind is reverting to a childlike state worsening every day. On top of this the visual distortions (hppd or whatever doctors would like to define it as) are worsening again. I am going to be twenty in less than a week and I have reverted to someone six years younger, stupid and apathetic which was the very thing I disliked about a lot of humans, but I understand now. A lot of them try but they can't fucking help it. Not everyone is blessed with an infinite mind. Christ that was bleak. Sorry for spreading the negativity around.

Valotonin, it sounds like you could use some psilocybin. It should function as a compas, but don't let it tell you what to do.

I've had stages similair to what you're describing, where the world starts to feel emotionless and inspirationless. Dry and barren, metaphysically and esoterically. Retarded and stupid. In fact, combined with the visual distortions you are describing you sound exactly like how I felt when I was your age. The docs prescribed me Abilify, the devils drugs, and I slowly started losing everything my life used to be about, creatively, or anything I found interesting in general. It took me a long while and a lot of childlike instinct to recover and see what life is about. Shrooms worked amazingly well to help me see the hilarious punchline of a joke that is life, and they took care of my insanely painfull headaches to boot (clusterheadaches).... I guess what I'm saying is what you're feeling probably isn't perminent and things will get better soon.

But first you got to get crazy, friend. Batshit-crazy like a madhatter, though not in "the dangerous" way . No more shame.