____twoism

Orbited insanitarium wrote:I think it's getting worse.

And you too, Rodox. Wherever you've been!

Yeah it’s bad. Need to deal with it until summer. Summer is worst time to have a depression. Only worse is Christmas.

Lost ten pounds this winter and didn't notice until a few days ago. Do your checkups.

Fuck, drugs and alcohol definitely not helping. Good I'm overall in a good shape, can bounce back pretty quick physically and mentally. But overall confused and lost. Need for someone to show me way. Otherwise can take the wrong way. But, hey when it's over, it's over, until then nothing is lost.

It never fuckin' ends. It's a lifetime, constant struggle. Working on it helps, sure, but it only helps so much and sometimes it's never enough. 2013 and 2017 were "the years I was really depressed" but honestly, as bad as those slumps were, it never really went away in between and since then. You just get more distractions, more things that take your mind off it. Pretty soon those distractions become more noise and you're right back into it.

I've thought about suicide more this year than I have in the least three combined. Not as an option or anything, just the idea. The existential concept of it. I know it's something I could never bring myself to do, but it doesn't feel good to think about it regardless. I have listened to this song more than any other so far this year. I've always liked it since I first heard it as a teenager, but I never really quite felt what the ending was getting at firsthand. I get it now. I completely get it. It's very difficult reaching that point where you know, if you were a different man, you'd probably have ended it, but you've decided not to end it, just to continue on. It's miserable and there are no signs of it never not being miserable in the future but you're going to press on anyway, just because "fuck you, that's why".

Sorry to bum anyone out, just cathartic to post in this thread now and then. Much love to everyone in here.

Don't want to sound banal, but talking helps. And people around can help you.

It is important to stay away from alcohol and other substances. Last year, especially summer was probably the worst days of my life. I lost weight, couldn't sleep, lost interest in almost everything that that would give me joy, but didn't touch bottle. Good, because it could make things so much worse. It could literally destroy not only my life, but others. I don't wanna even think about it.

I think people have this capacity to help each other in bad times. And the less you have, the more you want to give.

arvy wrote:

Is that you and a pup? Looking happy if so. (Actually might be your da.)

arvy wrote:Don't want to sound banal, but talking helps. And people around can help you.

Oh absolutely, I'm having one sided conversations with myself consistently, having a good exploration or just talk about this with others works wonders. Never be afraid to.

Try not to get too comfortable with the idea, lest that idea get comfortable with you.

Orbited insanitarium wrote:

arvy wrote:

Is that you and a pup? Looking happy if so. (Actually might be your da.)

arvy wrote:Don't want to sound banal, but talking helps. And people around can help you.

Oh absolutely, I'm having one sided conversations with myself consistently, having a good exploration or just talk about this with others works wonders. Never be afraid to.

Thanks man

Literally just the last 7 minutes:


In my case: just replace him talking about MLP with either Boards of Canada or Silent Hill. I'm left with a life of interspersed and foggy memories that I can't really share with anyone. Memories that don't matter anymore, that don't completely exist anymore, but somehow made me me.

Life's a bitch.

NorthSaturnian wrote:Life's a bitch.

I agree. But, time heals everything. It's amazing how much can happen in a year. We should value our time. It's almost like a magic.

I don't know whether I feel low or not, we'll see in a couple of hours.

What good is hope in the face of reality

steeldancer-x wrote:What good is hope in the face of reality

Hope is for beggars. Face reality and surrender to what already is ever-present. Therein lies inner peace, regardless the circumstances.

Gazebo4 wrote:Hope is for beggars. Face reality and surrender to what already is ever-present. Therein lies inner peace, regardless the circumstances.

Thank you for your time and words. I needed to hear them.

I hate Christmas

steeldancer-x wrote:

Gazebo4 wrote:Hope is for beggars. Face reality and surrender to what already is ever-present. Therein lies inner peace, regardless the circumstances.

Thank you for your time and words. I needed to hear them.

Cheers, these are trying times you are not alone!

It's all about surrender to what already is. In our futile resistance to Life itself, which is always and only our current direct experience, we start to suffer and for some people they are in such a state of resistance that the weight of their ego-personality crushes them, causing a depression. I been there, but there is a lot of truth and wisdom in depression. It's a sign that you need to stop going against the natural flow of Life. It's all already happening, including you, you are also already happening. You don't have to carry any weight and you are not the one doing it either. Those are all mistakes based on the belief of being separate from Life itself. There is already the acceptance and inner peace we all long so desperately long for, right here and Now. Just stop fighting anything.

This isn't aimed at you personally btw More a general message to people who are suffering.

i feel so weak, and nothing interests me anymore. how do i get over this? would appreciate to hear some stories of recovery. i feel trapped.