____twoism

How does one let go of a relationship that only existed in one's head?

Last night it became clear that my feelings for a certain someone were unrequited. I'm hoping to retain her as a friend, but I'm not sure how interested she'll be in even remaining friends in the long run. I can't understand her sometimes. I don't know what she wants, other than Not Me.

Any positive thoughts or motivational sayings would be very much appreciated right now.

Chin up kidda. Loads of advice here.

But yeah, it's a motherfucker.

Time is your friend. It just won't rush to make it obvious

I feel your pain. I had a similar experience with a friend of mine. I kind of knew he didn't feel the same so I just told him how I felt and, sure enough I was right. It sucked and I felt sick to my stomach for awhile but I cared about him enough to still wanna be his friend and luckily he still wanted that too. I just kind of sucked it up and tried to move on, it helps if you have someone else to think about honestly. We are still friends and now I am over it. My advice is to just try to carry on as you would with any friend, and whenever you get those fuzzy thoughts about her just push them away. I think with most things, it just takes time. Good luck, and I wish you as little heartache as possible.

pianoforte wrote:How does one let go of a relationship that only existed in one's head?

Last night it became clear that my feelings for a certain someone were unrequited. I'm hoping to retain her as a friend, but I'm not sure how interested she'll be in even remaining friends in the long run. I can't understand her sometimes. I don't know what she wants, other than Not Me.

Any positive thoughts or motivational sayings would be very much appreciated right now.

to be honest, usually these situations are so difficult because of what you've built up in your head. you didnt have a relationship, so whatever you imagined, it would probably be nothing like that in reality anyway and probably not live up to your expectations. i felt like this about someone for a full 2 years because of what i had imagined a relationship would be like, and read way too much into everything he said/ did. then finally we had some sort of fling for 2 months, and boy, it was shockingly crap. so incompatible relationship wise. complete joke. we dont talk anymore, and i couldnt care less!!!! good luck to him, but totally over that.

by the way, i will add, people like this tend to come back for attention when you give them some space, or they get dumped and need an ego boost, or see you happy with someone else. its always nice (and wise) to say no

We've all been there mate, don't fret. Much of the time, you'll find its better to remain friends. Friends never break up. I imagine if this person cares about you, they'll want to remain close.. just be open and honest, mention that you don't want it to change things. Honestly, I know all this advice you're reading will perhaps not resonate with you right now, because you have that longing feeling, but like everyone has said.. time gives you a perspective, and usually benefits you as a person in the long run.

My own personal opinion, after it's out in the open, staying friends usually makes them feel better, but not you. But whatever works.

Unrequited love can be the most incredible kind of love. Don't get down. As someone mentioned above-- we've all been there. When it happened to me I was never ashamed of it and look back on it as a beautiful experience, even if it did suck. Now, a shittier experience is loving many women, having awesome relationships with them, and then seeing these bonds crumble into oblivion.

Keep your chin up-- it's a rite of passage. Do not under any circumstance drown yourself in shame, it's completely unwarranted.

And btw, most women hardly ever know what they want. They'll give you every damn signal imaginable that they feel the same way/are interested. Then out of nowhere they make you feel like a complete jackass when you open up. Completely normal.

Thank you, everyone, for the posivibes. I really appreciate it.

fujee wrote:Much of the time, you'll find its better to remain friends. Friends never break up. I imagine if this person cares about you, they'll want to remain close.

Yeah, I'm hoping that works. The one thing that worries me is she made some references to being "out of my life in five years" and I'm not sure whether she was joking or not. I suppose all I can do is do my best to be a good friend and whatever happens, happens.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to listen to Never Meant on a loop... for the next ten hours or so.

Hmm, maybe just let her know you really care about her in a friend capacity as well. Tell her you'd like keep in touch but maybe let it simmer for a bit afterwards, don't want to seem really intense and full on. Great American Football song by the way.

fujee wrote:Hmm, maybe just let her know you really care about her in a friend capacity as well. Tell her you'd like keep in touch but maybe let it simmer for a bit afterwards, don't want to seem really intense and full on.

Yeah, I struggle with that. I think I'm going to just not contact her for a while and see what happens. We text, but it's almost always me that initiates the conversations and I think that comes off as a bit desperate. I think I should just not text her for a while and then once I see her again maybe I can do/say something.

I guess I should clarify that I didn't actually tell her how I felt about her last night. I just came to the conclusion that my feelings weren't reciprocated because of some things she said and did while she was alone with me. She was definitely sending mixed signals (She said something to the effect of "I'm not as uptight around you as with other people..." at one point), but while we were alone waiting for some other people to arrive she wasn't exactly radiating "I want to be close to you."

fujee wrote:Great American Football song by the way.

thank you! They're one of my favorite bands. So thrilled that their full-length is being reissued tomorrow!

i'm working on a project which i've been meaning to give some time to for a while in order to distract myself. that's helping a bit.

jcnporter wrote:... after it's out in the open, staying friends usually makes them feel better, but not you.

a million times this. ^

powershoes wrote:

jcnporter wrote:... after it's out in the open, staying friends usually makes them feel better, but not you.

a million times this. ^

I was going to say the same. Though instinctively you want to stay close no matter what, trying to immediately teach yourself to think of another person as a friend can lead to a truly toxic situation. Your mind and body will be at complete polar opposites to one another. It's the hardest thing to tell yourself, but space and time to get past it will be the best remedy. You have to think, being someone's friend is something that needs to happen as naturally as being someone's significant other. If you guys really do sync up in a friendly way, it will happen on its own. You just gotta focus on yourself, feeling better and moving on from what has happened.

powershoes wrote:

jcnporter wrote:... after it's out in the open, staying friends usually makes them feel better, but not you.

a million times this. ^

Again, it's dependent on time/age/maturity/personality. In my case, my ex and I are now the best of friends. All you can be is honest with each other in the moment and not worry about the repercussions or where you will be in x years time. If there's something genuine and lasting there it will show itself in time.

Perch wrote:If you guys really do sync up in a friendly way, it will happen on its own. You just gotta focus on yourself, feeling better and moving on from what has happened.

words of wisdom. thanks.

i'm feeling much better today.

naicob wrote:And btw, most women hardly ever know what they want. They'll give you every damn signal imaginable that they feel the same way/are interested. Then out of nowhere they make you feel like a complete jackass when you open up. Completely normal.

i think it's worth noting that plenty of men have done exactly this to me