Depression

[Jonse]

Unless some good news comes through within the next week, my death is set for 2012.

just remember that your schooling isn't everything, and your entire life isn't dependent on how you do in school. if you have a serious long-term goal in mind, it might be dependent, but otherwise..

you can always change.

Oh how I wish I could thoroughly explain what's going on in my brain to you.

Try doing it.

[Magrathea]

Oh how I wish I could thoroughly explain what's going on in my brain to you.

Well one of the side effects of many anti-depressants is: depression and suicidal thoughts, so I think a good chat with your Dr about it is in order for it might not be the right chemical or dosage for you.

As such, and sorry to sound haughty about it but you might not be in the best position to take a decision as important and extreme as the ones you want to take, not in that condition.

As others pointed out, academia is only a small part of life, I got all the way up to grad school with ordinary grades, never knew what I wanted to do in life, except in general that it would be in science, ended up getting a bachelor in science but then lo and behold, found work as a system admin for a huge IT box (computer admin was a hobby of mine up to there)

So yes, I sweated through 15 years of scholarship and got a diploma in something I don't even use today or likely won't be using without another round of schooling for it. Today I still don't have long term plans, some of my friends have those, in 2 years... in 5 years... but not Me, I have a few things I want to do, and I find pleasure in where I can express Myself, music, photography, writing.

Seriously, talk to your doc about those meds, they might be making you feel worse, but I would advise against changing it yourself, side effects are not to be taken lightly, and don't delay... do it now, months from now it might have been the best move ever!

[BuShPuPpEt0]

Just wrote a blog this afternoon and I just realized I am going to be 25 in two weeks and I don't know how I feel about it.

I know people say I am young, but it doesn't feel that way, it's almost as if I feel like time is running out or I haven't accomplished a lot in my first 25 years.

[Waterbagel]

Just wrote a blog this afternoon and I just realized I am going to be 25 in two weeks and I don't know how I feel about it.

I know people say I am young, but it doesn't feel that way, it's almost as if I feel like time is running out or I haven't accomplished a lot in my first 25 years.

heh, kinda what happened to me. i realized yesterday i turn 19 in about a week.

not that i know much about the actual span and progression of life (especially not more than you, as i am a good bit younger)
but i get the feeling that the only thing you can really accomplish in the first 25 years is to acquire a good, solid education. a good enough one that can get you through real life situations. you're really just setting up for the next two sets of 25 year.

[Julian Candy]

The last lingering thread of light and hope has just been shrouded in darkness.

[Spenner]

Man, while I'm happy most of the time these days, I'm extremely sensitive to depressive mood swing triggers. Just one little misinterpretation of something someone said and I was feeling bad for a few hours, finally peaking where I had to just sit in silence for a lil bit until it all was over within a 10 second period. The mind is quite a piece of work... so strange how I can perceive life to be useless, torturing, and unfair, and then 10 seconds later feel happy, motivated, and relaxed.

[Guido]

Things aren't very rosy over here either. Crying, screaming and feeling absolutely desperate all day long. Barely anyone cares about me and my sufferings. It honestly puzzles me why people are still so egoistical to conceive children when if you look around you there is nothing but misery. I barely know any happy people. Think about it, basically everyone is snapped and broken. Life is a barren desert full famine, war and mirages that make it look like a flawed paradise to most.

[Julian Candy]

Is it sad to say that this site feels like the only place I belong?

[BuShPuPpEt0]

Is it sad to say that this site feels like the only place I belong?

Not at all.

[Waterbagel]

<girl>

"things aren't going right, everyone around here's got someone but me"
"i like my roommate's girlfriend"
"i screwed up a lot"
</girl>

just to simplify

[Aesthetics]

Things aren't very rosy over here either. Crying, screaming and feeling absolutely desperate all day long. Barely anyone cares about me and my sufferings. It honestly puzzles me why people are still so egoistical to conceive children when if you look around you there is nothing but misery. I barely know any happy people. Think about it, basically everyone is snapped and broken. Life is a barren desert full famine, war and mirages that make it look like a flawed paradise to most.

Keep in mind that it is caused by how you look at your surrounding. It's the law of attraction where you attrack more likeminded people/stuff towards you. This blurs your view on the world. Sure, life in general isn't what it was like in the 80's but there is still a lot of positive stuff around.
I don't want to come across as the wiseguy but I know from experience that if you keep concentrating on the positive side the negative will be less important and eventually fade away. This is key in dealing with depression because you are in a downwards spiral. Turning this process around is a difficult task but certainly achievable as long as you are sure to keep distraction.
There is light at the end of the tunnel but you have to face in the right direction to see it.

[Spenner]

Depressed and angry people all around you DOES get you down, so many customers at my work are just there to buy supplies so they can get back to some project they don't want to do but have to do to feed their families, and they don't hold back anything usually. In turn, thinking that they don't give a shit how they treat us at the till or in our departments would normally anger ME but (this isn't the most humane thing but it gets me through my day) I simply feel pity for them, act the nicest I can, and hope they walk out of the store and it crosses their mind that we at least tries to lighten their day a little bit.

Still though, customer after customer of angry people who don't have anything their way... so many of them are blinded. They're self centered for the most part because they're upset they haven't gotten their way.

It's a bit sad that a lot of people aren't happy. It's almost exclusive-- like a special club. It takes a lot to be truly happy in amidst the shit we deal with day after day. But like Aesthetics said, it's about looking forward to something great, and keeping that in mind.

[Guido]

I guess my main problem is that I barely have any contacts at all. I'm almost always completely alone, sometimes I see my mother for dinner and sometimes one friend but that's basically it. I'm stuck in my own negative, dogmatic, circular thinking and there aren't many prospects of things or events that could break it. My previous message was perhaps a little morose and black and white, I had a huge fight with my mom last night and I felt absolutely horrible, I feel a little better now. I still think it's true that in general life isn't a very joyous affair as its often propagated, but that aside I currently do believe that a happier life is possible. It's hard to keep your head above water when you are always alone and incessantly confront yourself with your failures and shortcomings, and then it's easy to forget that escaping the tunnel is possible. I guess it's also true what turquoise70 said on the previous page, when you're very depressed your view of the world is very warped. I guess the same can be said about being happy, but at least that's much more bearable.

[Waterbagel]

I guess my main problem is that I barely have any contacts at all. I'm almost always completely alone, sometimes I see my mother for dinner and sometimes one friend but that's basically it.

well, hi! how are ya?

[aged sea]

Isn't there someplace where you can go where likeminded people might be? Like a concert, coffee shop, record store, etc.? I find if you place yourself in those environments, you can meet people who have similar interests and attitudes & then make friends or at least contacts. Isolation for sure amplifies depression, at least in my experience. One thing I've found in life is that you need people (as much as I dislike a whole lot of people). Yet, there are good people out there--you can find them.

And...slightly off the above paragraph topic, a friend posted this on FB that I thought was inspiring:

“This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.”

-Walt Whitman

[polar sky]

I quit taking my meds for a few weeks just to see if I could go with out em. Bad idea. Depression hit me hard today. I really can't stand a lot of people. I hate going to the store most of the time because the people there make me so agitated and I get such high anxiaty. I wish my wife and I could live in Arora Indiana out in the country where my grandmother lives. I hate the city so much. It is such a depressing place sometimes. Maybe I just need to be thankful for what I have... I took some Ativan to calm me down which helped. I really felt awful. Im supposed to take Prozac, but the side effects make me tired and dull sometimes. Anyone else on Prozac?

[pointlessdude]

Isolation for sure amplifies depression, at least in my experience. One thing I've found in life is that you need people (as much as I dislike a whole lot of people).

This is a thing I've been reflecting about these days, and I've came to the conclusion that prolongued solitude is actually a benefit for some people like me, for it is what I desire above everything. Had a few experiences this summer that brought me to my conclusion. For some reason, I have the feeling that if I keep trying to have a successful and happy life, along with all which this requires, I'll never be able to get it (see? it's actually about getting it these days, such is the thought that primes these days) and thus anxiety and insecurity will be my partners for the rest of my life. It's quite a pesimist way of thinking, but I can't help wandering about it everytime I go out and realise how shameful and insecure I am, mentally and physically, always being exposed, bombed with loads of desires and information my brain can't process, being subconsciously absorbed by them. All of this stuff makes me sick, and given the fact I lack at almost any communicative situation there's no point in struggling. No point in going outside. No point in owning friends, or falling in love. Nothing worth fighting for at all.

[Julian Candy]

I'm not even kidding when I say that this was my exact reaction when I found out the girl I had liked for about 7 or 8 months couldn't have cared less about me:


Oh, I made myself sad now.

[Waterbagel]

I'm not even kidding when I say that this was my exact reaction when I found out the girl I had liked for about 7 or 8 months couldn't have cared less about me:


Oh, I made myself sad now.

hey, it's all good, we probably all know the feeling

feels like so much time wasted on one girl you never even got to have. it really probably is that way, wasted time, that is. but it's okay. you learned from it, no?

[Magrathea]

I'm not even kidding when I say that this was my exact reaction when I found out the girl I had liked for about 7 or 8 months couldn't have cared less about me:


Oh, I made myself sad now.

hey, it's all good, we probably all know the feeling

feels like so much time wasted on one girl you never even got to have. it really probably is that way, wasted time, that is. but it's okay. you learned from it, no?

seven months... usual life expectancy in North America, Western Europe, Australia is roughly 80 years or 960 months... those seven months equal to...

0.72%

I don't know, you probably will use more time waiting for bus in your life than that perspective. Yes I know it sucks, but it has been a learning experience, even if a disagreeable one. There's far worse