Being a father of a four-month old baby girl, I thought I would chip in on this thread with my two penneth (cents). A lot of what the guys have already said is really sage advice and the stuff that only comes through bitter experience, here are my comments on the stuff that really rings true for me:
Mexicola wrote: You'll get a lot of conflicting advice, even from health professionals and midwives, both before and after the birth. Invariably though, you'll know which is the right path so trust yourself.
Absolutely. We had post-birth weight loss issues (not uncommon) and there was so much contradictory advice given from people who were supposedly working to the same guidelines (health visitors and midwives) that it became difficult, and indeed in some cases dangerous, to select one route over another. This is particularly the case with the dilemma over breast-feeding and formula feeding. [soapbox]My experience taught me that there's almost a breast-feeding mafia out there who vehemently support its use even in the face of common sense [/soapbox]. In hindsight, instinct is the only way.
Mexicola wrote: you're going to feel like a spare part and bypassed a lot of the time, so find a way to keep involved and helpful.
You will. The trick is to be helpful at all times, but without overkill - sometimes mother's want space peace and quiet and not constant fawning.
A_Northern_Soul wrote:I finish every day with zero spare time, physically exhausted, there are always 20 things to do and 30 things to worry about.
I read this and chuckled as I was staring out at my lawn which is about knee-high and in desperate need of a mow. I thought to myself, 'Yeah, that ain't gonna get done for another few months.' During the first two weeks after the little one was born trips to the post box (curse you, 'Thank you' cards!!) seemed like a holiday. Trips to Sainsburys seemed like a gap-year.
A_Northern_Soul wrote:Pre-baby, your job is to look out for your other half ? not only in the obvious ways (making dinner, being available for tea-making at all times, doing EVERYTHING physically), but to act as a filter for her. Everyone will bombard her with advice and stories and ?help? ? some of which will be helpful, some of which will terrify her (some people genuinely seem to relish telling expectant first time parents absolute horror stories that make giving birth sound like the Somme) ? your job is to filter out the nonsense and reassure her that everything will be alright.
Oh absolutely. One of the biggest propagators of the horror stories is.... [trumpet fanfare] the internet: people don't really post about things going normally or without a hitch, but they sure as hell post about everyting that can go wrong... in droves. My wife is a natural worrier and so doubts + Google = PANIC!! Try to keep your partner grounded at all times.
A_Northern_Soul wrote:Tough few days, but it really focusses your energy. He?s fine now.
Great news. I can't begin to think what this would be like. We've just got back from a week in Spain where my daughter picked up a cold (not comparable). This was her first real illness and I was on pins throughout the whole stay. In a fitting finale she has now givn me the cold and has ruined about three of my t-shirts: who knew such a little thing could contain so much snot!! CRITICAL ADVICE: if you can, think about getting a tumbledryer - the laundry mounts at an exponential rate.
A_Northern_Soul wrote:but the first few weeks are MENTAL. Make the most of simple pleasures now like reading a paper, or being able to finish a cup of tea....
The first few weeks are kind of a blissful dream-like state. Dream-like in the sense that none of it seems real, but totally non-dream-like in that to be dreaming you have to be sleeping, and you'll get very little of that.
Psilcosyn wrote:2. If you have chest hair get rid of it, or you're gonna lose it by way of a slow painful process of baby grippage Razz
Nobody told me about this but it is so true. I knew babies went through a grabbing phase, but no-one told me about the pinching phase also. CRITICAL ADVICE 2: always trim their nails: my neck currently looks like it has lost a fight with Freddie Kreuger.
A few other bits and pieces of advice:
- Get used to the fact that your life will be different. There will be things that you enjoy doing (me: making music; wife: marathon running; both: festivals and drinking) that will have too be put on the backburner. Although we have been looking for creative ways to involve the daughter in all of these. If Social Services are reading this thread, we absoutely HAVE NOT tried to involve the daughter in drinking.... yet.
- Post-birth don't be afraid to tell people to go away. You will get lots visitors (family and friends), but make sure they come round on your terms ie when it's appropriate for you and baby. Also, make sure that when they do come round they offer a little support (meals, cleaning, etc). You and baby don't want to become too overwhelmed when settling in.
- Lots of people told me to get a routine sorted for your baby as soon as possible. I often thought this was one of those glib, catch-all sentiments but it's actually turned out to be extremely useful. From about one month old we managed to get our girl to bed at 7 and sleep throug the night. Great news you'd think, but for every up, there's a down: she sleeps very little during the daytime. In fact as I was writing this I had to fish her out of the cot having woken from a daytime nap (duration: 20 mins).
- Look forward to the little milestones that can melt, and break, your heart in an instant: first smile; first laugh; first cry with real tears; first dribble; first raspberry, first fake cough (yes, they do this to demand attention). For me, it's the look of recognition first thing in the morning, when you make eye contact, they notice who you are are and smile. If that could be bottled and sold all the world's problems would be solved. Yes, even AIDS and terrorism.
- Everyone says you should always read to your baby. We try to do this. But equally important, to me at least, is to play lots of music around the baby (I don't know whether the baby experts think this is a good thing to do). I may do a separate post on this to swap tips on what works and what doesn't. As a bit of thread bait, I already have a mixtape, that I can share, which I used to play almost on rotation whilst the baby was in mummy's tummy.
- Bathtimes are immense fun.
In short, enjoy every second. There will be moments when your baby will be playing and you'll just stop and stare in amazement. Before you know it half an hour will have passed. It's these stop-in-your-tracks, time flies, moments of wonder that evade explanation and just 'are' that makes everything blissful and everything else insignificant.
