What are you writing?

[louise]

:(

I read it already didn't I I think

[TaoTapeTao]

lol yes I believe you did- that was a rough rough version. I do appreciate you taking the time to read that over though!

Haha I'm sorry people, I'm just being that person who's overly proud of what he wrote and wants to shove it in everyone's face

[louise]

lol yes I believe you did- that was a rough rough version. I do appreciate you taking the time to read that over though!

Haha I'm sorry people, I'm just being that person who's overly proud of what he wrote and wants to shove it in everyone's face

I can read the new one if you want? The first one was good enough for me to mention you on my first post in this thread

[TaoTapeTao]

lol yes I believe you did- that was a rough rough version. I do appreciate you taking the time to read that over though!

Haha I'm sorry people, I'm just being that person who's overly proud of what he wrote and wants to shove it in everyone's face

I can read the new one if you want? The first one was good enough for me to mention you on my first post in this thread

If you're willing to I'd really appreciate it

I have your email I'm fairly sure- I can just send you a text file. If it gets too weird or too dull or too confusing, my apologies lol. You don't have to read the whole thing if you don't want, it's nearly 50 pages as a text doc haha..

[louise]

lol yes I believe you did- that was a rough rough version. I do appreciate you taking the time to read that over though!

Haha I'm sorry people, I'm just being that person who's overly proud of what he wrote and wants to shove it in everyone's face

I can read the new one if you want? The first one was good enough for me to mention you on my first post in this thread

If you're willing to I'd really appreciate it

I have your email I'm fairly sure- I can just send you a text file. If it gets too weird or too dull or too confusing, my apologies lol. You don't have to read the whole thing if you don't want, it's nearly 50 pages haha..

Awesome send it over. I read insane amounts anyway because of uni, what's 50 pages. At least I want to read this!!

[TaoTapeTao]

Awesome send it over. I read insane amounts anyway because of uni, what's 50 pages. At least I want to read this!!

Haha awesome.

It's done. Again I appreciate it lol. Also you mentioned writing stuff from time to time, I'd love to take a look at some of that!

[diabolous616]

would also love to have a read of this if possible

[TaoTapeTao]

would also love to have a read of this if possible

just sent you an email my friend

[Julian Candy]

Hi everybody. I've picked up reading and writing as a recent hobby of mine. I've not much in terms of training or even experience, but I'm working on it. I've a couple of short works at my disposal and one work in progress that I hope to expand into a much larger story. Below I have a sample of said idea, as well as a paragraph I ended up omitting but kinda liked. I'm humbly seeking some peer reviews if possible and if you'd like to keep up to date with any of it, feel free to PM me. Thanks.

The Sample:

A modest sigh escaped from Cassie's mouth alongside a burst of contaminated breath. "These things'll be the death of me" she thought to herself as she looked down at the pilfered cigarette between her fingers. A mature thought for a sixteen year old girl. The thought of how much potential there was for a girl her age, not even old enough to by what she presumed would be her own demise, was put on hold for just another moment as she lifted the Marlboro Red One Hundred to her pursed lips whilst gazing out her bedroom window. The crisp breeze of the midnight air brought with it a sense of purity and freshness in contrast to the smoldering shredded tobacco leaves enclosed in the thin, white piece of paper. As she exhaled, Cassie brushed away the bangs just beside her chocolate colored eye. Her hair was cut in a pixie style save for the two tendrils of hair left dangling at the base of her temples. There was something satisfying about letting a few strands of hair dangle in front of her forehead whenever she happened to solemnly look towards the ground, or in this case, the small pile of cigarette ashes sitting on the windowsill. She couldn't bring herself to purchase an ashtray for herself as her father would go absolutely apeshit if e ever found out what might be happening on these certain late nights. Rest assured, Marlboro wasn't the only one getting lip service from Cassie that night.

The omitted paragraph:

The smooth flavor and silky smoke permeated throughout her mouth. The rich scent brought her to another place, called to mind the image of a dimly lit bar room. and its various inhabitants. A middle-aged barkeep behind the counter, his hairline receding and his belly protruding only to be contained by a pinstripe shirt tucked neatly within his jeans. He stands holding beer mug in one hand and a rag to polish it in the other, looking outward to the pool table at the center of the room. Two men, each middle-aged as well, stand before it, holding their pool cues as canes. One man is donning a dark shirt, dark jacket, dark khakis, dark shoes, and to top it all off, a pair of dark hippie sunglasses. His graying hair is slicked back. Everything about him just screamed "I may be an oldie, but I'm a cool oldie". The other man was simply wearing a white tee-shirt, light blue jeans, work boots, and a beige cowboy hat to cover an unsightly bald spot. They take a breather from their game and plant their keisters at a nearby table which is holding twin glasses of Budweiser. They each reach for their pockets and pull out a pack of cigarettes. Mr. Cowboy pulls out a pack of Marlboro Lights while Mr. Cool pulls a Camel Blue out of his shirt

[FernieCanto]

It's difficult to make relevant citicism based on a few paragraphs which are basically long descriptions of vague settings, but if you're pulling that off without much serious training, then you're on a good track. A few specific lines feel a bit perfunctory, but it works as the start of something intriguing and interesting. I'm more curious about what authors can do in terms of characterisation and narration, but what you got there looks cool.



Anyway, since I'm here, I may share a few of my stuff. I've been doing most of my writing in my native Portuguese, but I translate some of my works to English to get constructive criticism from a few writer friends I have. Here are two of my most recent ones: the first is a 60-page bittersweet tale about social awkwardness and family tragedy, and the second one is a short story about trust and intolerance. They have a couple of mistakes and were posted before I did the necessary editing, but the gist of it is there.

Treasure Hunt

The Edge of Comfort

[Ashtray Wasp]

I wrote some poetry, tell me what you guys think


3:29am

A look at the mirror,
nothing new, nothing old
Abstract feeling, paradox,
Grey sweater, grey mind
Falling upwards silently
Dreams die at birth
Mind reflexions distort sight
White siluette of a door
Never to be reached
Uplifting sensory overload



Socially accepted

Forced to live within
Ultimate attack
Cornered inside me
Kind words come out
You have never been seen
Over the edge you forgive
Urge to cease living

[drillkicker]

I've been working on some sort of story that represents the kind of things I would really love to see in literature, but haven't been able to find myself. It doesn't really resemble anything I've read before, which is the reason I started writing it. It's being written in a very, very anachronistic way (and a very slow pace), unfortunately, and I keep jumping to different places in the story hoping it'll come together when I have more of it written. Also, the story only has one character so far and no dialogue at all (which has basically become the standard situation in my writing).

[Amo Bishop Roden]

I just scribbled this out at random and thought this would be a halfway decent place to share it. It's inspired by recent events in my life, and my new relationship to Zen buddhism:

In the Shadow of the Bodhi Tree

Sometimes it still grabs me -
The frozen realization that what's past
Tends to linger beyond welcoming

I recall a passage where Batchelor wrote
that Life was a succession of minideaths and minibirths...
Certainly that boy is long dead
That boy who loved you beyond faith or reason

But, as J famously said, "Allow the dead
to bury their own."
In truth we can easily bury the dead ourselves
but what's one to do about the ghosts?

A spectre is haunting Arnold Park
She follows me through the Link,
helps me remove my shoes.
She passes through my every move,
and when I sit, she sits in me.

Outside, nearby traffic whirs by like blank magnetic tape.
A somber rain taps on the window to be let in.
It is warm and quiet in the Zendo.

[Ashtray Wasp]

I just scribbled this out at random and thought this would be a halfway decent place to share it. It's inspired by recent events in my life, and my new relationship to Zen buddhism:

In the Shadow of the Bodhi Tree

Sometimes it still grabs me -
The frozen realization that what's past
Tends to linger beyond welcoming

I recall a passage where Batchelor wrote
that Life was a succession of minideaths and minibirths...
Certainly that boy is long dead
That boy who loved you beyond faith or reason

But, as J famously said, "Allow the dead
to bury their own."
In truth we can easily bury the dead ourselves
but what's one to do about the ghosts?

A spectre is haunting Arnold Park
She follows me through the Link,
helps me remove my shoes.
She passes through my every move,
and when I sit, she sits in me.

Outside, nearby traffic whirs by like blank magnetic tape.
A somber rain taps on the window to be let in.
It is warm and quiet in the Zendo.

That was beautiful

[Amo Bishop Roden]

Thank you. It needs some editing but I like it in it's uncut form too.

I haven't written (poetry) in a couple years, this one just hit me like nausea; I either needed to let it out all at once or choke on it, haha.

[Ashtray Wasp]

I really like its structure, cut every few word, sometimes incomplete sentences, waiting to be completed on the next line, and the choice of words makes it what it is, I can't imagine it polished