Relationships

turquoise70 · Post by **turquoise70** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 4:33 pm

Cupz wrote: "Lonely welsh dude looking for girl to stroll down unpronounsable woods. Enjoys weird music.
Plane ticket included."

LOL

saturdayindex · Post by **saturdayindex** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 5:42 pm

true love is a selfless art.

a lot of people, like osho, say that to love you must be selfless and selfish.

on the other hand, we have others like jesus who say that you must be only selfless.

difficult to syncretize.

at least with art you can't hurt anyone or yourself.

bleak. · Post by **bleak.** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 5:58 pm

Cupz wrote:
bleak. wrote:i sure wish i could find someone who appreciates the welsh nature as much as i do. i spend most my time in 'the cwmins' which is a woodlands that leads to a small village named llanachaeron. it has a public footpath running through the middle, yet it's rare to see anyone walking along there. can someone please send a few over for me? i'm getting lonely.
I'll put an add in the dutch paper right now:

"Lonely welsh dude looking for girl to stroll down unpronounsable woods. Enjoys weird music.
Plane ticket included."

that would be lovely!

turquoise70 · Post by **turquoise70** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 6:10 pm

cognition never got me anywhere with love but confused and hurt - i avoid it

saturdayindex · Post by **saturdayindex** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 6:30 pm

turquoise70 wrote:cognition never got me anywhere with love but confused and hurt - i avoid it

Cognition... the evil fruit of which eve took?

ninetyoneplus · Post by **ninetyoneplus** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 6:59 pm

Make decisions fast or you will always cower out of them using reason.

What I've found to be tremendously helpful is saying "what the fuck" to yourself and "can i have your number" to the lady in question. I mean, really, what the fuck is the worst that can happen?

TheSilenceEchoes · Post by **TheSilenceEchoes** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 7:32 pm

ninetyoneplus wrote:Make decisions fast or you will always cower out of them using reason.

What I've found to be tremendously helpful is saying "what the fuck" to yourself and "can i have your number" to the lady in question. I mean, really, what the fuck is the worst that can happen?

She could reject you and hurt your feelings...

But if that doesnt hurt and you're able to say 'what the fuck', i think you dont care enough about that person in question to call it real love at all...

Or is this too black/white reasoning...?

Earthbound · Post by **Earthbound** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 7:52 pm

TheSilenceEchoes wrote:
ninetyoneplus wrote:Make decisions fast or you will always cower out of them using reason.

What I've found to be tremendously helpful is saying "what the fuck" to yourself and "can i have your number" to the lady in question. I mean, really, what the fuck is the worst that can happen?
She could reject you and hurt your feelings...
But if that doesnt hurt and you're able to say 'what the fuck', i think you dont care enough about that person in question to call it real love at all...

Or is this too black/white reasoning...?

Well, I think, in this case, it's first acquintence. You cannot call it 'real love' that quick now can you

.
I'm with nine on this one. In my case when I was younger I never had the guts to step onto a pretty lady. A change of attitude (who cares, what the fuck, whatever, etc) made me more loose with the ladies. In the end, it seemed I was worrying way to much when I was younger..

TheSilenceEchoes · Post by **TheSilenceEchoes** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 7:52 pm

some random thoughts on the matter:

i think relationships can only work when both have selfless love (some call it Agapè love)

yeah art cannot hurt you or the other, whereas love can (i think where it lacks selflessness.. but i'm not sure if it's really that simple).

maybe in a perfect world love and art would be one and the same thing..

TheSilenceEchoes · Post by **TheSilenceEchoes** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 8:18 pm

Earthbound wrote:
TheSilenceEchoes wrote:
ninetyoneplus wrote:Make decisions fast or you will always cower out of them using reason.

What I've found to be tremendously helpful is saying "what the fuck" to yourself and "can i have your number" to the lady in question. I mean, really, what the fuck is the worst that can happen?
She could reject you and hurt your feelings...
But if that doesnt hurt and you're able to say 'what the fuck', i think you dont care enough about that person in question to call it real love at all...

Or is this too black/white reasoning...?
Well, I think, in this case, it's first acquintence. You cannot call it 'real love' that quick now can you .
I'm with nine on this one. In my case when I was younger I never had the guts to step onto a pretty lady. A change of attitude (who cares, what the fuck, whatever, etc) made me more loose with the ladies. In the end, it seemed I was worrying way to much when I was younger..

I see what you mean. I never had the guts to walk up to a guy that caught my interest myself and say: hey man, i like you. Very annoying to be so shy. But on the other hand, it wouldve kind of taken the mysteriousness away, wouldnt it? It would have made it so normal when it wouldve started out like that.
I don't know. I think with real love you just know it. You just know it the moment you meet her / him.. It's probably me being naieve.. Yeah it is. This doesnt make sense. And im posting it anyway. Hah.

ninetyoneplus · Post by **ninetyoneplus** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 9:05 pm

Of course, once you get into a serious relationship you should never say what the fuck because people's emotions are at stake. But for that first contact or showing of interest, I think it is super important.

TheSilenceEchoes · Post by **TheSilenceEchoes** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 9:29 pm

ninetyoneplus wrote:Of course, once you get into a serious relationship you should never say what the fuck because people's emotions are at stake. But for that first contact or showing of interest, I think it is super important.

yes i think youre right on second thought. I think that might have been my mistake in the past. I let that first moment go by by just staying in my confort zone building a safe dreamworld around it all - that way turnng it into a far too great risk because then a lot of emotions get involved.

But on the other hand i think women are different in this. More sensitive. Things (esp relationships, but also the first contact) tend to mean more to them than to men. I might be wrong though

Earthbound · Post by **Earthbound** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:10 pm

TheSilenceEchoes wrote:
ninetyoneplus wrote:Of course, once you get into a serious relationship you should never say what the fuck because people's emotions are at stake. But for that first contact or showing of interest, I think it is super important.
yes i think youre right on second thought. I think that might have been my mistake in the past. I let that first moment go by by just staying in my confort zone building a safe dreamworld around it all - that way turnng it into a far too great risk because then a lot of emotions get involved.

But on the other hand i think women are different in this. More sensitive. Things (esp relationships, but also the first contact) tend to mean more to them than to men. I might be wrong though

Well ofcourse you're right. Man are hunters, hunters to re-produce. For man it is not very hard to get our pleasure, spray around our seed, if your know what I mean. Woman on the other hand carry a baby for 9 months. It's a complete different ball-game. Woman have to choose very carefull which man would be suitable to reproduce. That makes woman more picky, and they can be picky, they can take a more passive role, as man take more active roles in approaching the other sex.
Come to think of it. I'm sure far more man will say 'yes' if a woman askes him to have sex with her, in stead of man asking woman..

bleak. · Post by **bleak.** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:21 pm

Earthbound wrote:
TheSilenceEchoes wrote:
ninetyoneplus wrote:Of course, once you get into a serious relationship you should never say what the fuck because people's emotions are at stake. But for that first contact or showing of interest, I think it is super important.
yes i think youre right on second thought. I think that might have been my mistake in the past. I let that first moment go by by just staying in my confort zone building a safe dreamworld around it all - that way turnng it into a far too great risk because then a lot of emotions get involved.

But on the other hand i think women are different in this. More sensitive. Things (esp relationships, but also the first contact) tend to mean more to them than to men. I might be wrong though
Well ofcourse you're right. Man are hunters, hunters to re-produce. For man it is not very hard to get our pleasure, spray around our seed, if your know what I mean. Woman on the other hand carry a baby for 9 months. It's a complete different ball-game. Woman have to choose very carefull which man would be suitable to reproduce. That makes woman more picky, and they can be picky, they can take a more passive role, as man take more active roles in approaching the other sex.
Come to think of it. I'm sure far more man will say 'yes' if a woman askes him to have sex with her, in stead of man asking woman..

this may apply to he majority of people - my best friend being the perfect example. but in my case - not at all!

ninetyoneplus · Post by **ninetyoneplus** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:43 pm

Another thing I am slowly learning is everyone is constantly putting on a show of confidence and perfection as much as they can. I think most women are luckier cause they can see right through men to what insecurities they are trying to hide. Men I think are more unlucky because when they develop a crush on a girl they are unable to see past the golden shining girl they think they have the crush on to see the human being who has insecurities, fears, doubts, and puts her pants on one leg at a time. Then, if they muster up the power to start a relationship, they get bored when they realize the woman is not perfect, and is just an ordinary human being.

Cupz · Post by **Cupz** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 6:01 am

Wise words. It does not count for all men though.

Earthbound · Post by **Earthbound** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 8:19 am

bleak. wrote:
Earthbound wrote:
TheSilenceEchoes wrote: yes i think youre right on second thought. I think that might have been my mistake in the past. I let that first moment go by by just staying in my confort zone building a safe dreamworld around it all - that way turnng it into a far too great risk because then a lot of emotions get involved.

But on the other hand i think women are different in this. More sensitive. Things (esp relationships, but also the first contact) tend to mean more to them than to men. I might be wrong though
Well ofcourse you're right. Man are hunters, hunters to re-produce. For man it is not very hard to get our pleasure, spray around our seed, if your know what I mean. Woman on the other hand carry a baby for 9 months. It's a complete different ball-game. Woman have to choose very carefull which man would be suitable to reproduce. That makes woman more picky, and they can be picky, they can take a more passive role, as man take more active roles in approaching the other sex.
Come to think of it. I'm sure far more man will say 'yes' if a woman askes him to have sex with her, in stead of man asking woman..
this may apply to he majority of people - my best friend being the perfect example. but in my case - not at all!

Tell me more

TheSilenceEchoes · Post by **TheSilenceEchoes** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 8:27 am

ninetyoneplus wrote:Another thing I am slowly learning is everyone is constantly putting on a show of confidence and perfection as much as they can. I think most women are luckier cause they can see right through men to what insecurities they are trying to hide. Men I think are more unlucky because when they develop a crush on a girl they are unable to see past the golden shining girl they think they have the crush on to see the human being who has insecurities, fears, doubts, and puts her pants on one leg at a time. Then, if they muster up the power to start a relationship, they get bored when they realize the woman is not perfect, and is just an ordinary human being.

is that so? Do men get bored with women who are imperfect?

I don't understand that. Because ive always considered the absence of flaw a great bore... To me things like insecurity, fears, doubts (of course also the more 'positive' things or the 'funny flaws', that goes without saying) turn the human being into something unique and interesting rather than an ordinary person..

turquoise70 · Post by **turquoise70** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 4:21 pm

i can't speak for men or women in general because i know next to nothing about either. but i will say that i definitely am not beholden to a hunter mindset nor am i looking for some 'perfect' ideal. that may sound like an attempt on my part to puff my chest, but in practical terms unfortunately without either of those in place, it makes for a really boring love life. i'm a weirdo. i want a weirdo girl.

there's a girl i know who will not be named, who appears to be into me. i'm petrified of her because she's upstanding, organized, friendly, professional when she has to be, sincere, understanding, responsible, very intelligent, and at odds cheerful and moody - not to mention very very cute. i can't understand why a girl like this would show interest in me and i'm terrified of getting emotionally and physically close to her. that's how love works in my life.

saurus · Post by **saurus** » Sun Jul 12, 2009 11:12 pm

turquoise70 wrote:but i will say that i definitely am not beholden to a hunter mindset nor am i looking for some 'perfect' ideal

I see where you're coming from man. I suppose you could call me a "romantic", because i don't believe the casual sex thing and like the meaningful side of relationships. Last time that happened was like a year ago now. Instead I've had like a few one night stands since in parties and festivals and stuff but really ended up missing who i was with and feeling bad about myself... great!